it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
