i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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