sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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