If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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