The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Small penises have feelings too.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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