Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
