Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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