forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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