Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
