I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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