her vagine was all disorganized.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This baby is an asshole
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Holy sore nipples Batman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
