Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
