I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
