i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize