dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
two words: eviction party
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
