My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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