i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
