Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
