my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize