if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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