I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
