Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
