The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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