I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize