babies were throwing up all over the place
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
