So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
