I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
