I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
