so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
