U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
