I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
