im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
