just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
