i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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