U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
