I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
