Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
