Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
