His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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