I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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