Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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