So drunk its hurt
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
