i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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