I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
