he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
