hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
