its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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