I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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