Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
