but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
