hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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