This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
