Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
