first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
