I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
