the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
