U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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