I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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