I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she looked like the before picture.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
