I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
