Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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