i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
