She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
