omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
