Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
