I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
