I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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