I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
