The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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