I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
