you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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