that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
